Daichi/Reader - What I Wouldn't Give

That night – okay, it wasn’t even nighttime, because by the time you made your way home the first lights of morning were beginning to show – had flown by far too quickly for your liking. It seemed as soon as you collapsed into bed, eagerly and happily curling into your husband’s side, you could hear the alarm clock sounding obnoxiously again, signalling that it was time to return to work.

You groaned exaggeratedly at the noise, wanting to but just narrowly avoiding swatting the alarm clock to the ground. With sore arms, you stretched forward towards your nightstand where the device sat, hitting several times at the button that thankfully turned the wretched thing off. You laid still where you were for a few long moments, simply basking in the rare quietness and peace of your bedroom and the warmth soaking in from the body next to yours. If you could have, you would have stayed in bed with him all day, but unfortunately, the reality of your job was ever encroaching as it always was.

A long sigh left your lips at you attempted to sit up and work past your exhaustion, only to find that you could barely move. It took several seconds for your delirious mind to realize what was anchoring you to the bed so strongly – when you made to stand up again, your husband’s grip around your waist only grew tighter, pulling you closer to him and the soft mattress.

You felt a smile tug at your lips at the action, and with great reluctance brought your hands up to try to manoeuvre out of his grasp, only to be met with a low groan of protest. You might have laughed if you weren’t so tired, but instead you settled for simply yawning, “Daichi, I have to go to work now…”

He grumbled again, before tugging you into a laying position next to him, arms still firmly pinning you. Despite the fact that you should have long since been up, you let yourself relax against him, melting at the comfort he surrounded you in and indulging for a but a moment. His embrace was so warm and inviting and you wanted nothing more than to cuddle into in it, but…

“Daichi, please, let go,” you tapped at his hands gently, needing to get out of bed as soon as possible or else you might just end up succumbing to your whims to sleep the day away. “I have meetings all day, starting at 7AM, and I can’t be late for any of them so I need to get going now or else I will be.”

The man stirred, and when you turned to look at him he had a sleepy pout crossing his face, which was quite possibly the cutest thing you had ever seen. Resting his head against your shoulder, he murmured into your ear, “But I didn’t even get to see you last night… or the night before… You’ve been coming in so late or… early, I guess…” Nuzzling his nose against the skin of your neck, he breathed, “I just want to see you.”

You felt your stomach twist guiltily and your heart tug at his words, because you knew perfectly well that they were true. For a second, you just stopped, and the longer you considered them the worse you felt. Before you could let yourself spiral into a tornado of self-destructive thoughts, you reached down and grasped one of his hands, allowing his fingers to intertwine with yours as you kissed his knuckles. “Tell you what,” you began, smiling against them as you did, “I’ll come home early tonight so we can finally catch up, okay? We’ll have dinner at a normal time, together. I want to spend time with you, too, after all.”

Daichi hummed in response, as if considering your offer, before pressing his lips to your neck and nodding slightly. “Okay. Six, then?” You made a noise of affirmation, and you could feel him smile at it. “Good. Then it’s a date, my lovely wife.”

You laughed a bit, some of your previous exhaustion draining out of you as you did so. You found yourself brimming with newfound motivation to get through the day now that you had plans to look forward to. You lingered in Daichi’s arms for a few more seconds after that beefore he finally, reluctantly let you go.

You bent over him quickly, brushing your hand through his messy hair and pressing a kiss to his temple as you whispered, “I love you, Daichi.”

He blinked up at you and smiled tiredly. “I love you, too, [First Name].”

And with that, you were off to prepare for the day, anticipating your evening every step of the way.

~P~

You knew you shouldn’t have done it. You shouldn’t have agreed to your boss’s request to go over those extra files – how had you let this happen? How had twenty extra minutes turned into four hours? How had you wasted so much time on just one case? You tried to maintain a constant speed as you drove down the highway before you, but your frantic mind and need to return home kept threatening to cause you to exceed the speed limits.

You weren’t sure how you were going to both apologize and explain the situation to Daichi – and you didn’t see why he should have to forgive you after you did so. You had made plans with him for the first time in a long while and he always took those sorts of things seriously; and yet there you were, throwing it away as those it was nothing. It wasn’t fair to him and if he got angry it would only be just.

How were you going to make this up to him?

You attempted to compose yourself as you pulled into your driveway – to sort together your thought process and frazzled appearance. Once you had done so to the best of your ability, you entered your home slowly, cautiously, a part of you hoping that he had forgotten, too, so you would be able to get away with it. But Daichi would never do that.

When you walked into the house, you immediately noticed him sitting in a chair in the living room, glasses sliding down his nose as he read a book. His expression looked passive, but at the same time you could also see the unimpressed tightness in his jaw. You inhaled deeply before approaching him, trying to appear casual as you did so.

“Uh, hey,” you greeted. When he didn’t respond as instantaneously as you had expected, you felt your chest tighten and you could already feel yourself preparing for the tongue-lashing you were going to receive – and that you deserved.

His eyes stopped skimming over the sentence in front of him, and then they flickered up to meet yours, a blank look in them. “Hey,” he said back simply, shortly, setting down his book beside him. The atmosphere was awkwardly tense for several long moments, neither of you willing to be the first to speak. Daichi broke first, a rare but intense anger flaring in his gut as he spoke. “So, care to explain why you weren’t able to join me?” His tone was curt and unhappy, and you could not and would not blame him.

“Files,” you sighed, answering truthfully and quickly. “I’m so sorry, Daichi – I was just about to leave when my boss came up and asked me to go over some miscellaneous files with him; it was only supposed to take twenty minutes, an hour, tops, and I was going to phone you, but—" You knew you were rambling, and that nothing you could say could really make up for it, but still, you hoped that he would understand. If anything, Daichi always understood. “—but, it’s only ten, I could always make something for us to eat and we could still sort of, kind of talk like we planned?”

“I already ate what I made us,” he said bluntly, “but there’s still some in the fridge, if you want any.” At this, he stood and started towards the stairs, and that uncharacteristic coldness of his caused you to blink and call after him, confused.

“Hey, where are you going?” you asked, clutching the railing next to you. His odd behaviour, while you knew was justified, was still making your heart beat erratically, in a way that panicked you.
“To have a shower or something,” he shrugged, feigning carelessness, before removing his glasses and pinching at the bridge of his nose.

Your chest ached at his words, at the attitude he was emitting. Daichi would never be like this—“Don’t you want to—" You faltered when he looked down at you, frown deeply etched into his features. “—I don’t know, sit down and just… t-talk or be with each other?”

Daichi’s act almost broke right there. The rising desperateness in your voice tugged at his heart painfully, and a part of him wanted nothing more than to hold you close right then, but the angry, ignored side won over. “I think you should eat and go to bed, [Name],” he suggested, “You haven’t been able to sleep properly these past few weeks, but if you go to bed now you might actually get the rest you need.” At this, he turned to walk to the bathroom, but was stopped by your voice.

“…Daichi!”

He didn’t face you as you continued. “I-I don’t want to,” you felt your voice crack. “I want to spend time with you! Don’t you?”

There was a long stretch of silence before he answered, and every second that passed that he didn’t pricked your heart a little more. “[Name], just go to bed, all right?”

“Why are you being like this all of a sudden?” You could understand anger, but instead he was just flat out ignoring you.

The question caught him off guard, and it flared that ire within him. Unable to act passive or ignorant any longer, he spun around and felt himself glaring down at you.

“I’m tired of it, that’s why!” he shouted, and you stared up at him, eyes wide with surprise at his abrupt change of temper. “We already made damn plans but you missed out on them because of work – again – and now, when it’s convenient for you, you want to spend time with me! That’s not fair to me, [Name]!” He stomped down to your level.

“I miss you, dammit, but I never get to see because you’re always away! I can’t even remember the last time I had a proper conversation with you let alone ate dinner with you,” he continued. “You leave early and come home late; you’re only here when I’m sleeping and then you’re gone before I can even actually see you – it’s been like this for months now! I-I—“ He felt his voice begin to shake, “I-I thought I would be able to handle it when you got the job but I can’t. I just want you to be with me, [Name].”

As his words soaked into your mind, you felt tears begin to form in your eyes. You wanted to reach out towards him but something held you firmly in your spot, unable to move.

You two hadn’t been married for that long – little more than a year. You had been so excited to be together with him, to buy a house together and start living your own little life together. It had all been so happy for the first few months; discussions of how to furnish the house and what to have for dinner that night were the biggest decisions you had to make. There was even some talk about starting a family, of having a baby. Your worlds had encompassed solely each other until you had gotten your current job.

It had been incredibly difficult to get, and you were warned that it was tough – many extra hours had to be put in, alongside an already-hectic work schedule. At first, Daichi had been supportive of it. He was a little sad not to wake up to your smiling face each morning, but when he imagined how hard you working, he couldn’t help but be proud and overcome it. You were doing something you had strived for and he wasn’t going to take away your thunder just because he was a little lonely.

But coming home late one night quickly transformed into regularly working overtime, and before you knew it was more or less a daily occurrence. The only time you really got to see each other was when you arrived home in the early hours of the morning, where nothing but exhausted kisses could be exchanged before you passed out, only to reawaken four hours later to start it all over again, while he was still asleep. You were beginning to feel more and more like a stranger to him and that scared him more than anything.

He wasn’t ready to lose you – he never would be.

“I don’t want to be selfish but I want my life with you back in it.” He felt as though a weight had been removed from his shoulders as he spoke those words, but it was quickly replaced with a heavy emotional exhaustion.

“Daichi, I… I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” You pressed the heel of your hand to your eye, trying but failing to stem the tears that were starting to fall. You wanted it, too – to go back to the way things used to be; when you could see each other normally each day. You enjoyed your job, and you had worked hard to get it, but at the same time it was wearing you out far beyond your means and it was certainly not worth losing Daichi over. But at the same time, you couldn’t, wouldn’t just quit…

“I’m such an awful person,” you cried, reaching out to grab at the stair railing but instead being caught by Daichi. “I’m an awful person, an awful wife, an awful homekeeper, and if we had kids, I’d be an awful mother, too… this stupid job has taken over my life, but…” You peered up at him, trembling, “I can’t just quit it, Daichi.” You could feel him tense at that, and your tears only came harder as you became more irrational, overcome by all of it.

He pulled you to him, embracing you tightly. You simply stood there until your sobs had lessened into that of sniffles, with your face pressed to his chest to hide your flushed face. When he was certain that you had calmed down, one of his hands found its way into your hair, massaging at the base of your neck, and he spoke softly, “You’re not awful – never say that about yourself. You’re beautiful and hard-working and stubborn and always willing to help… but not awful, never that.” He continued to hold you close, and began to sway with you in his arms. “I don’t want you to quit, either. But I want to spend more time with you, to see you for breakfast and dinner and to talk about our days together – I want you to take better care of yourself so that nothing happens to you.”

You grimaced against his shoulder, reaching up to clutch at his shirt. “If you never married me, you wouldn’t have to go through this,” you said bitterly, angry at yourself. You hated putting him through this – this certainly wasn’t something he was probably expecting to go through he married you. You had hurt him and there was no denying that. “…If you had married her, you’d probably already have kids by now. You could have had the life you wanted. You’d be happier.”

He knew precisely who you were talking about – his previous girlfriend, Michimiya Yui. You had transferred to Karasuno in the latter half of your third year and immediately clicked with the girl, and as a result also made the acquaintance of her then-boyfriend, Sawamura Daichi. The two of you had been nothing but friends through your last bit at Karasuno and the first two years of college, but somewhere along the line you both tripped over it and several months after his relationship with Yui had ended, he was asking you out and it was a whirlwind from there.

He laughed at that. “Nah, Yui never wanted kids. And besides, the only person I ever want to be married to… to have a family with is you,” he admitted easily, peering down at you as he did so. You looked up to meet his eyes, and took immediate comfort in the fondness they radiated, your heart swelling rather than aching. Your gaze momentarily fell to his lips before you squeezed his shoulders and made eye contact again.

“I’ll try,” you said, “I’ll go to my boss in a few days and request that my workload is lightened so that it’s… well, normal. I’ll make it happen because I want us again. But for now…” You smiled, and leaned your head against his chest, “I’m taking tomorrow and the next day off. You know, the plus side to being as diligent a worker as I am is that you earn a lot of vacation days…”

He chuckled again, murmuring “Thank you…” as he leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss. You squeaked a bit of the abruptness, before happily returning action. You both parted for but a moment before you were together once again, though this time the kiss was deeper, longer. Your hands rose to thread into his hair and his own fell to your waist, and when you separated again, he whispered, “I love you so much,” before his mouth reconnected with yours barely a second later.

You were about to whisper your response in his ear when he lifted you suddenly, easily manoeuvring so that he was carrying you up the stairs. “D-Daichi!”

He only smiled devilishly at you, eyes flickering towards your bedroom door, his intentions clear, and you were not going to be one to argue.

~P~

You weren’t exactly shocked when nearly two months later you were welcomed with the surprise that your discussions and dreams of starting a family were no longer going to be just that anymore.